Insubordiknit

Unconditional kids

My hands are hot from having them in so many fires. Seriously. They are, of course, my own fires, so I can't complain, but damn, talk about busy. It's a good kind of busy though. Not the kind where I'm running crazy, cursing, and spitting and pulling out passive agressive's greatest hits, it's a peaceful kind of busy. Well, peaceful except my knitting has fallen a bit by the wayside. I will have to rectify that, but still, I can't hardly complain.

I've been reading like mad. I read when I nurse the babe, so I get a good amount of time in. Tonight or tomorrow, if I get a chance, I'll post a list of the 30 books I've read in the past 2 months. Yes, seriously.

However, one book I'm reading right now is hitting me where I live -- it's by Alfie Kohn and it's about uncondtional parenting. My friends Mike and Kathleen (and their lovely brood) came down this weekend and the talk, of course, turned to kids, and K recommended Kowen. Yes siree. Freaking amazing. So in tuned with everything I've thought about raising/loving kids. Not that I'm the poster child for it's tactics -- in fact, it's sometimes really humbling to read an example to be avoided and have it be almost verbatim something I've said to LB. Thankfully, it's humbling and enlightening. I'm so thankful to be reading it.

One of the large questions is asks is is how we are raising our kids going to help them turn into the people we want them to be? As in, we want them (at least I hope and assume) to grow up to be creative, independent, happy, peaceful, joyous etc. But do the current trends in parenting support these things? His and my answer is a resounding no.

I've always said that I am not interested in having what people would consider a well-behaved child. I'm interested in having a free, happy, kind, creative child. Sometimes the 2 don't look the same, in fact, I'd say they often don't look the same. There's an example in the book that asks if you overheard 2 mothers or 2 of your friends talking about your child, which words would make you happy to hear, which would not?. For me, and I hope for others, hearing that your kid always did what he/she is told, always follows directions and never talks out of turn, isn't what I'd wanna hear. And yet the methods so often employed in our society is geared towards having kids that will illicit those responses.

We, as a culture, so focus on behavior, control, and manners, that we forget to let kid form, learn, and live freely and organically. They're so busy trying to live up to what we set for them, please us, get our approval and love, that they have trouble finding and building themselves under it all. Don't get me wrong, I love a kind kid. I have a kind kid, sometimes. At his core I know he's kind, but it's an organic kindness, I think, and I hope a sincere one. For example, he may not say he's sorry when he's supposed to, but is that really important? I know it's important to many, in this society. But does it really help when you force a kid to say those words? Does it make them sorry? Does it make them think they should be sorry? Or make them feel like something is wrong with them that they don't feel sorry. Or does it teach them to be insincere? To lie, even. We want authentic kids, right? I know I do. But I think it has to be reached, growed if you will, not forced and faked.

I was recently in a situation where I felt I had to apologize for my LB's behavior even though he wasn't doing a single thing wrong. He was running, playing, whooping it up in a joyous way. In a wide open public place. But the people i was with so tightly controlled their kid, controlled his every movement (and had forever, so the kid was excellently behaved, that my kid looked like a hellion. Again, LB wasn't doing anything wrong, just being a kid, but I felt stressed and inadequate and really shitty the whole time. Bah. I shouldn't have, but it just goes to show, even when we're sure deep down of what we're doing, it's easy to feel insecure on the surface. That's my own failing, something I need to get past -- relying on the opinions of others, looking for validation (which is something I'm trying to NOT instill in my kids).

Anyway, this book is amazing and says everything (and more) I've always felt but didn't have anyone backing me up (except bill, of course). I'm not saying that I do/know everything in the book. I have failings, and make mistakes. That's why it's such a joy to have this resource to draw from.

More on it later, I'm sure.

In fiber/blog/indie news, I'm going to totally wipe my links list and start anew. I'll say that I'm going to only be linking to indie businesses that I can recommend (as in, I know from experience that their work is wonderful/stable/creative). My wonderful customers use my links to find other great indies (not just fiber, folks) and recently one of my favorites was greatly disappointed by a fibery product they received, so no more blind linking. It may take me a bit, being as busy as I've been lately, but if you think you should be listed and I've forgotten you, please drop me a note, my brain is filled right now and forgetting you is not on purpose, really. Also, if we've never worked with each other's products, let's rectify that, a swap does wonders.

Yarnclub and catchup

Yarn club yarns went out last week! And, if I do say so myself, they rocked the rockiest rock. Above is a sideways hinty shot, for those greedy eyes that haven't received it yet but wanna glimpsey glimpse. For those of you that just wanna see -- look here, and here, and finally here. Like with your fingers splayed at a Def Leopard concert, innit? Plus, check those new tags!

First of the month (July 1st) the raffle tickets for the free yarn club spot go on sale! The drawing and the yarn club spots go on sale the 15th of July, only a month off.

I just finished my shop update. Only six new yarns and 2 MHK, but they're all good ones. I wanted to have some wool but I'm waiting for it to arrive in the mail, damn slow processing. Next week for almost sure!

Playing catch-up here until I get back in the blog groove.

It's Mary-Louise Parker, y'all. It took me a bit to post it though. I started to feel a bit like a wanker each time I started to announce it. Like I was saying neener neener, which I'm not. Bah. Cool, though, eh? She's so cute.

Thanks everyone for your comments on my friendship woes. I really appreciate knowing that it's not just me, and that others out there feel the same constraints, disappointments, and longings.

This week's menu is all sandwiches. Tonight we had ruebans - yum.

Sweet Pea rolled over. And belly laughed.

Little Bit is writing a book. It's called Rumbling Tower. He lets me read it every few chapters and it's so creepy and cool. On the back of the book (it's art paper folded in half and stapled into a book) it says an unknown series of goosebumps. Author unknown. Heh. Do I have the coolest 5 year old on the planet or what!?!

OFM, baltimore unsigned

OFM, bill's musical endeavor, is live on WTMD (89.7 baltimore) tonight at 8pm! Interviewed and live music. Listen, either on your dial, in your car, or live on the website. They're tons of fun, cute as buttons, and there's a six-legged unicorn that sometimes shows up.

A look inside

I’ve been thinking a lot about myself. Honestly, I don’t think enough people spend enough time doing this. Wait, I don’t mean thinking about yourself in the selfish, self-involved Ayn rand kinda way. I mean taking often, honest looks at my interior. Specifically, lately, me as a friend. I’ve never surrounded myself, or been surrounded (because maybe it’s not my choice, but rather just me) by lots of friends. I’ve always had lots of acquaintances, lots of people who you casually call friends but usually only one or two real friends (this difference may be best illustrated if you picture the friend as sick, the former I might give soup, the latter – a kidney). Yeah, when I have a friend, I take it seriously. I’m there for my friend.

Or I used to be. I’m not sure where I am now. I might be avoiding friendships. Well, not really avoiding, maybe just not seeking, not working at, not uh, cultivating. That’s not to say I don’t have some good friends right now, I do. And if you're reading this and we're friends, please don't take this personally, I'm speaking more to myself in the sweeping, historical sense. I do indeed have people I love. People that I can count on, people I’m comfortable with, people with whom I have good conversations and shared clothing. But it’s different than it used to be. Or maybe I’m different than I used to be. Maybe I’m flakier, or fakier, or busier, or jaded-ier. Maybe I erect barriers I used to try to knock down in others. Maybe it's symptomatic of growing up, having kids, being busy, the internet, locking my door at night...I don’t know. But I know I miss thinking of myself as a good friend. Or maybe I just miss the idea of thinking of myself as a good friend. Hell, I don’t know. I spend most of my time with my family. I don't hang out with others often. I think I want to see other people, but when it comes to it for real, I lose the drive. I take comfort in my house, my kids, my partner. People used to think of me as intense, too intense, in fact. They said I scared them or others with my intensity. I was too much. Was too much and expected too much. Now I fear I’m not enough.

I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve let myself really delve into a friendship and I wonder if I still know how.

It's late, and like I said, I've been thinking about myself a lot.