Insubordiknit

my pain, their god

Again with the belly shot. Apparantly, I'm the hieght of fashion, showing the skin between my dikies and the lower hem. It's all the craze nowdays, just sos ya know. Of course, the bellies sporting this look are usually 10 years younger and just a bit tauter, but what the hell, I ran outta yarn and I'm secure in my pouchiness.

This tank could possibly be the easiest and fastest knit evah! It's from loop d' loop and it took 2 days and almost no skill minus the smallest bit of a top down raglan. Yowsa! I've gotta where it in the blistering heat because if the girls get one hint of a breeze, they're eager to poke thier heads out of the ribbon yarn and say hello to whatever eyes happen to glance. Risque, that's me, all over.

I wore it today to my new chiroprator's office, uh, excuse me, wellness practicioner's center, which just reeks of youthfulness, hipness, and, wait for it...scientology. Yep, L. Ron right out there in the lobby next to the babbling brooke fountain/aromatherapy dispensor. My doctors have names like Dr. Loren, Dr. Jerry, Dr. Angie, shaved heads, pierced tongues, and instrumental 80s metal ballads abound. It's just not right, yet, oddly comforting. I learned that my neck's on the cusp of phase 1 and phase 2 of veterbral subluxation complex. Phase 1 is correctable, everyone is in phase one, practically. You get a few adjustments and your back is back to being a zero. Phase 2 however, is one step away from that poor old couple you see walking down the street, 2 feet shorter than they used to be, only able to look straight at the ground, haven't seen the sky, a mirror, or each other in years. Apparantly, that's almost me. Reallly, it'd be perfect though, I could look at my fashionably exposed belly forever and ever.

It is bad though. I know this, not from their fancy words or the 12 hours of dianetics videos I'm sure to have to watch to get the promised 40% off of thier astronomical rates, but from the CONSTANT god-forsaken pain I've been in for over a year. Did you know that when I knit or type, I wear a big, white, velcro shoulder/back brace. Yep, I'm that sexy. How'd ya like to lick the pudding now? It's all in my right shoulder and it's with all the time, like a bad dream, or herpes, or well, constant shoulder and neck pain. And I've got one helluva pain threshold! Like super-woman over here, hear these words -- 59 hours of drug free, active labor. So understand, I need these people, with thier fancy adjustments, strange and slightly arousing traction machines, 60 appointments in 6 months. I'll worship whatever god they've got, get fitted for the suit I've gotta wear when the mothership arrives, hell, I'll even let Tom Cruise stand up on his tiptoes and lick the pudding in public, as long as they can fix my fucking shoulder!

That said, Dr. Jared got a good peek, thanks to ribbon yarn, size 9 needles, and a brisk office temperature.

Posted by jacey at August 24, 2005 08:56 PM